Final Reckoning
by frogfoot24
Summary: Severus Snape contemplates life after his actions in Half Blood Prince. No major exposition here, just a short thing of one or two chapters, because I can't bear the thought of him being tossed aside like that.
1. Final Thoughts

Hi,

I find it difficult to believe that Snape has departed from JKR's world with his actions in HBP. I have my fingers crossed that he hasn't simply vanished or worse, become the traitor that Harry thinks. I hope there is a reason for his actions, and I can justify them in my own mind, as many of you who love the Potions Master must also be doing... This is just my take on what could happen next if it was to be simple...

This is going to be short, probably one more chapter, maybe two. Just depends. Hopefully I will finish it in the next couple of days. Not sure.

Please read and review if you wish.

I have made some adjustments to make the third paragraph clearer in relation to which he is which, but that is the only change from my original posting.

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Frogfoot24.

* * *

Snape sat looking at the empty fire. He was cold, freezing cold, but he didn't dare light it. Of course, his home would be the first place they would look for him, and because he knew that, and they knew he knew that, it would be the last place they would look for him. They would, of course ultimately look for him there, but he didn't want to give himself away, not too soon, not until he had had a chance to truly consider the ramification of what he had just done.

He had, he knew, condemned himself. To death or worse. Either of his masters would meter out punishment for his actions. Voldemort would kill him without giving the action a second though. Oh, yes, he had killed Dumbledore, the only wizard his dark master had ever feared, but he had done so against his master's orders. Dumbledore was to be Draco's blooding, the first of many that the young man would kill to prove himself to his father's master. Only the boy couldn't do it, hadn't been able to when the time came, as he himself had always known he wouldn't be able to. As for the ministry… That didn't bear thinking about. Dumbledore had vouched for him, trusted him, believed in him; now he was dead at his hand, and that was something the Ministry would never forgive. An army of Aurors would come for him eventually, and they could have him. Just not quite yet.

And it had all been at the old man's orders. Dumbledore had known all along, what it would mean to attempt to recover that damned Horcrux – he knew it would end in death, and it had, just as he had expected, just as he had planned. And he had begged Snape to finish him off, when the job was done; when they returned; when nothing could be done to save him. Snape had resisted, right to the end, but watching the old man dying, slowly, life being sapped like a toppled old tree, he had known of no other option. Dumbledore deserved a better death than that slow spiral beyond the veil, and his quiet words had been the end of Snape's resistance "Severus, please…" It would echo through his mind for as long as he lived. Dumbledore had been the first to trust him, the first to forgive him, and he had repaid that by killing him and signing his own death warrant. Dumbledore had managed another first too – he had been the first he had killed since his return to the light. Not that it would matter.

There was no one left now, who would understand how hard it had been for him to cast the final blow to his saviour, if there ever had been. So he bowed his head, broken and defeated by a lifetime of fighting against the results of his foolish choices. If he had only known the truth, if he had only had the tools as a child that the man had learned simply to survive, he would never have turned to the darkness to hide his humiliation at the hands of those golden haired boys of his youth. It all seemed to be such a waste. So many lost – innocent and guilty alike. It was such a waste, such a waste indeed.


	2. Mercy

Snape dozed in the chair, ignoring the protests of his body, knowing it would all be over soon enough that it wouldn't matter anyway. He no longer cared and he allowed himself to relax his taught reflexes in the first time in many years. It was almost pleasant, the feeling of freedom that came with the realisation that it was all finally over or soon would be.

With a start, he sat bolt upright as a wand touched lightly against his temple.

"Hello Severus, sleeping? That's not like you."

Auror! He reached for his wand.

"Don't bother," the voice hissed at him. "It won't do you any good. We both know what you have done. Don't make it worse by fighting the inevitable."

He nodded, and returned his hands to the arms of the chair, fingers relaxed in acquiescence.

"Good. We understand one another. Finally."

The Auror moved around the chair and stood in front of him. "Where is the boy?"

Snape was stunned to silence. Merrin! It was the last person he had expected to see, mainly because she was supposed to be dead. Long dead. Dead in the first battles, before he had turned from Voldemort. Yet here she was standing, plain as day, in front of him, her ivory wand pointed at his throat, but with a less than convincing grip. The look in her eyes showing she was as torn between duty and the deed as he was.

"Gone, back with Narcissa and Lucius."

"Swine."

"Would that be directed at Draco, Lucius or me?"

"Quite possibly all of you." She paused, watching him. "What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't, there was no point. I had given my word to Narcissa to protect Draco, I had given my word to Dumbledore to save him from a slow painful death. What choice did I have? After he took Potter to retrieve that damned horcrux, after he drank _our_ potion, he was never going to survive for long."

Merrin's gaze faltered briefly as she remembered their brewing experiments. For a moment she paled before she forced the fleeting guilt away. "It didn't have to be this way."

"It couldn't be any other."

"Of course it could. I tried damned hard to save you Severus, to give you an option to the darkness you seemed so desperate to attain."

"It wasn't enough. Not compared to what the rest of your bloody house did to me. Did you ever ask them what they gained by the humiliation they dished out to me time after time?" He stopped suddenly, the bitterness in his voice uncomfortable even in his own ears. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I know you did. I know you tried to stop them. I never understood why."

"I would have thought that was obvious."

"Hardly."

"Gods, were you so blinded by rage or was it just that I was a Griff? Severus, so clever yet so daft." She shook her head. "I loved you you idiot! Why the hell else would I defend you again and again against my own house. "

He considered her words for a moment. Love. What did that mean? He couldn't allow that emotion to cloud his thoughts, not now. "And look where that got you." He spat.

"Yes." She snapped in return before checking herself and continuing, her voice softer. "I'm sorry Severus." Quietly, always quietly, because she had never believed in raising her voice, Merrin cast a binding charm on the gaunt, dark haired man. "You know what I should do, and you know what I must do. Before that though there is something I need to do."

Snape was bound, unable to move a finger. He trusted the woman before him, but for the first time he was worried. What did she have in mind? Should do, must do, they were easy, but what did she need to do? His mind raced as he tried to figure it out.

They had worked together as students, much to the displeasure of her housemates, and his, and Merrin had always been the closest thing he had to a friend, until their last year when disaster had struck and she had left Hogwarts to settle her parents affairs after they had been killed. Of course, her departure had left his life emptier than it had ever been and he had fallen easy victim to the approaches by Lucius Malfoy, always one to see advantage in another's disadvantage. He had fallen, taken the dark mark and sworn himself to Voldemort before she had returned. And then she had fled from him instantly when she had seen the mark.

It wasn't until later that he had been told that it was Death Eaters that had killed her parents. Lucius had taken great pleasure in passing on that little piece of information. After that, he couldn't blame her for her anger, of course, but he couldn't undo what he had already done either. Besides, his decision had already destroyed their relationship as certainly as it had assigned his soul to hell. Perhaps that was one of the reasons he had been so willing to spy for the Ministry when the opportunity had come, perhaps it was to atone, to _her_, even if he had thought her already dead.

Snape watched as emotions moved one after the other across her face. He held his breath. As an Auror she would have to turn him over to the Ministry, it would mean torture until death or a Dementor's kiss. As a one-time friend, he hoped she would save him from the torture, but did he really still think he had a right to make a demand of that friendship? It had been a long time ago, and there was certainly nothing left of it now. He waited, holding his breath.

Merrin moved forwards, reached out slowly and ran her finger down his cheek. Gently. He closed his eyes, imagining for a moment a different life. Before it could coalesce into something substantial, his cheek stung as she struck him. "What do you see in your mind Death Eater? Do you imagine what it would be like to be free of your sins? Do you imagine the life that could have been? Too bad it never will be."

Snape opened his eyes. Merrin's face was close to his, so close he could see the tears building in her hate filled eyes. "I'm sorry." Words choked out. "If I had known…"

"Known what? That I loved you? That your friends killed my family? Which one Severus?"

"Does it matter?"

"Does it matter? DOES IT MATTER? WHAT DO YOU THINK?" She slapped him again, this time harder.

He winced, and a trickle of blood ran from his lip. "Please, Merrin…"

"You have no right to ask anything of me."

Snape could see the rage build up in her. Years of suffering, years of torment, years of emptiness welled into sudden, hateful, overwhelming rage, and she struck him again, this time fist closed. And again, and again, until he sagged under the onslaught, or would have if he had not been bound. "Merthy…" He managed to croak out.

Merrin froze, looked at him, and the tidal wave of anger receded as quickly as it had arrived. She fell forward, dropping her head into his lap and wept bitter tears. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please, forgive me."

"Yeth." He slurred through the blood. "Undbind me, pleath."

She looked up, felt horror at the mess she had made of his too gaunt face lined by too many years of tense waiting, and shuddered at her cruelty. "I can't unbind you Severus. I'm sorry for that too, but I can't take the risk, you know that."

He nodded, resigned to his fate. "I underthtand."

Merrin rose and with tears still in her eyes, she took her handkerchief and started wiping the blood gently from his face. "I am so sorry, so terribly sorry."

"I know you are."

And then, in an instant, she was crying again. "And I know it wasn't you who – who killed my parents, but I took my anger out on you anyway."

She moved forward and Snape tensed again, ready for another onslaught of fists, he closed his eyes, but the next wave of emotion didn't end in more blows. This time her hands were gentle and he was startled to feel her lips on his and his heart did a funny little flip-flop he had never experienced before. His breath caught in his throat as he tasted the saltiness of his blood and her tears mingled together. And then he was weeping too.

Merrin pulled back, took her wand and healed his face. "When I came here I wanted to hurt you, I was happy to give you to the Ministry. I was glad I was the first to get here. I wanted you to suffer the way I suffered." Merrin took his hands, and studied them intently, the long elegant fingers she remembered still frozen by her binding charm, "But I took one look at you sitting there and knew you already have. I knew that the moment I saw you, but I still had to hurt you. I'm sorry."

Snape nodded. "I deserve more punishment for my crimes than your kind heart could ever deal out."

Merrin laughed so sharply at that it could almost have been described as a bark. "Severus, I am no angel, so please do not paint me as one. I have done things that would make you shudder."

"But only in the name of the Ministry."

"Not only…"

Her admission of guilt surprised him. "Tell me then," his voice was soft, unwilling to inflict more pain on the woman before him, "Did you enjoy these things you did?"

"Never!"

"And that is the difference between a good heart forced to do bad things, and a bad heart that needs no coercion."

Merrin waved her wand, and Snape was surprised to find that was unbound. "Thank you."

She nodded. "You understand that I can't let you escape."

"Yes. You are a good Auror. I will go to Azkaban or worse, and I deserve it. Even if you don't turn me in, I won't be allowed to live for long. My old Master will have his followers scouring my old haunts, and I can assure you what they have planned for me will be far worse than anything you can imagine." His words were quiet, calm, resigned to a fate already dealt.

"I wish it could be different, I wish there was some other way..."

"I know you do, but it is impossible. I made a mistake in my youth which has cost me dearly. It can not be undone."

"Severus…" Merrin wailed and flew towards him and thrust herself into his arms. "You are so brave. I am so sorry; I wish I had tried harder to save you… to forgive you…" She held him desperately, pulling close, as though even their clothes separated them too much.

Snape wrapped his arms around the woman he had once called friend, and held her tight, feeling her slight body against his, imagining what could have been, and holding for a moment the feeling of utter bliss and exquisite pain it brought. Dropping his head onto her shoulder he whispered quietly in her ear. "Thank you. Good-bye."

"Adavra Kedavra." Merrin's words were quiet, strained, and they broke her heart.

* * *

Thank you all for your kind, thoughtful reviews... and I am sorry if this ending has disappointed you. It was just the natural conclusion of what had gone before and I had to save poor Severus from further torment because this was only ever going to be short and I didn't want him punished too much, because I think he probably already punishes himself enough for us all ;) 

Samhaincat - yes, I am back and I will hopefully get some time to work my way through Solace (I will probably have to start again)... I miss reading your work too. I love the complexity of the Potions Master, and like you I hope he wasn't just a throw away figure.

Brenda Shaffer-Shiring - Yes, I agree, there is some room for confusion in the last paragraph. Clearly I am not confused, but I wrote it so I wouldn't want to be would I? The only excuse I have is that it was past midnight and I wanted to post rather than edit, so I went of blythely and left some weak points. Thanks for pointing it out. I appreciate the help.

Borolin - Sorry for the little inaccuracies, in Aus, a golden haired boy is the same as a golden boy. I fell into Aus slang, so forgive me, yes I meant the Marauders (don't have cannon handy so also forgive any other little inaccuracies). Mind you I think that will be clear now anyway.


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